I know the world's a broken bone

Sometimes I have these thoughts swimming around inside my head. They are thoughts that have been there; stirring- festering. I've had a live journal since I was fresh out of high school, and now I have this new blog, specifically to empty my head at the end of the day, but I find I'm exercising a great deal of self restraint when it comes to openly writing about my feelings. I've never been one to care about what people think of me, so why am I so cautious about this blog? I suppose it's probably normal to have feelings that I don't want to share with everyone, so maybe I'll have to dust off the old journal to really let it all out.

Wait, I'm contradicting myself.

Didn't I say that I was starting this blog for ME? So I could get everything off my chest? A place to come to relieve some stress...

I'm over analyzing. Who cares? But it's at these early hours of the morning when my brain is best at over analyzing. It's my tragic flaw. I read way too much into everything. So for now, I will try to ignore the fact that someone else might read this and truly vent about the things I think about at 2:41 in the morning.



Today I had an interesting discussion with a friend about religion, and it left me curious as to where I REALLY stand and what I agree and disagree with. I sometimes like rethinking topics I had previously taken a stand on. I'm finding my mid-twenties are a time of rediscovery, and I feel as though I am only now learning who I truly am.


Tonight I gave relationship advice to someone who I found it hard to give relationship advice to. I, however, put myself aside, and gave all the advice I could give. The recipient of the advice was a friend who is very near and dear to me, and upon whom I wish all the happiness in the world. I tried to put myself in my friends shoes, and also in the other person's shoes to come to the best conclusion. I felt good about it in the end, and I can only hope I was some help. I should probably specify that the advice was only difficult to give because my first reaction was obviously in favor of my friend's happiness. I've also found myself in a somewhat similar situation before, so that was helpful. I've always thought that honesty is the best policy, but when you know the truth is going to hurt someone, it's so much harder to say. I think everything comes out better in the end when people can try to put feelings on hold to hear honesty.


While I'm on the subject of honesty, I can't help but wonder what it is about the truth that makes it equally as hard to hear as it is to tell. I can't say this is always the case, but it seems to apply more often than not. When you want the truth, no one wants to be the one to tell you. And in the same aspect, when you don't want to know the truth, it seems to be in your face in black and white. When does our brain make the decision to accept or ignore the truth? People can stare truth in the face and still deny it. It's baffling to me.


Equally as frustrating is when you find out the truth, and you don't want to accept it, but you know you have to.... and you can't change it.

I found out a couple days ago that an ex boyfriend of mine that I am still close to is moving to Virginia. I know some people say it's hard to be friends with an ex, but I disagree. If two people can be adults about the situation and realize you can love a person while still understanding the two of you together just isn't going to work, then voila! A friendship is born.

So said ex/friend is moving to Virginia. Then I found out tonight that he's moving tomorrow. When I first read the text he sent me, I was a mix of emotions. Shock, first, but then shock gave way to sadness, and then anger. Sad, knowing I couldn't say a proper goodbye, and anger when I thought about how he was going to leave without telling me, had i not asked him when he was planning on leaving. I wanted to yell at him- tell him he was selfish, but I know he has his reasons for keeping this decision to himself for right now, and I have to respect that. I know I'll see him again, most likely in a few short months. I think the shock of it all was what hit me.


what a day, what a day....



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