I had a good weekend

You know it was a good weekend when on the drive home you feel just a little bit sad that it's over. It was definately the best weekend I've had in a while. I got to see some old friends and spend time with some unexpected ones, which was nice. I think it will be my last trip to one of my favorite cities ever for quite a while, but at least it ended on a high note, right?


This is one of my favorite Brandi Carlile songs ever, and it's pretty perfecy for the situation I'm in right now.

As good as my weekend was, it's nice to be home and play some tug of war with my dog.

I think I'm going to put on some jammies, smoke, and watch a movie.


Goodnight!!



p.s. Steelers won today! It is WAY different walking down the streets of pittsburgh in a steelers jersey, and then coming home and taking your dog for a walk down the streets of cleveland in the same jersey. I always feel like someone is going to try and run me over. Good news though is that I made it home in one piece!

i wish they all could be

Everything is starting to come together.

I have never been so excited about something and so afraid of it at the same time. I know that this is what I need. I don't see it as running away, I see it as starting over fresh where no one knows who I am or anything about me. Where all they need to know is that I am a good person and a hard worker and when I put my mind to something, I can do it. I'm scared to leave everything behind, but I also know the amount of bullshit and drama that I will be cutting out of my life. I know people say that you will have the same drama wherever you go, but I think that all depends on the type of person.

All I know is that I can't wait.

Hate is a strong word..

So I'm not going to use it, even though the amount of emotion running through my body right now makes me want to use "hate" (along with a slew of other 4-letter words), but I won't.

I will, however, tell you the things I dislike.

I dislike when people complain about things they could easily fix themselves. Life isn't going to hand you anything, you have to work for it. God helps those who help themselves.

I dislike when people say mean things to you to make themselves feel better. It's not my fault you have low self-esteem. Please don't take it out on me.


I am tired of worrying about pleasing everyone else, so from now on, I'm only going to worry about me. To hell with everyone else.


I'm too angry to even think straight, so that is all for now.

you'd better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone

...the only problem is that I don't feel much like swimming.

right now is one of those times where I realize that I am not happy. No, that's not how I meant it to sound. I'm not content. Not satisfied with the way my life is right now. I'm just not sure what I can do to change it.

Neglect

My dog chews everything.

She poops on the floor while my roommate and I are at work.

Today she chewed birth control pills.

I was really worried, because I'm at work, and I'm about to find out if I'm getting a promotion or not, and I was afraid I would have to leave and jeopardize that, but I love my dog so much, it would have been my only choice. Luckily the vet said she should be fine. And Nichole is home.

But she still poops on the floor when we're gone.

And she still chews up everything.

And I know that it's because I am not home as much as I should be to give her the attention she needs, and the thought of that makes me want to cry, because I don't ever want her to be lonely. I think it's the same way a child acts out and misbehaves in order to get attention from neglecting parents.



Am I being a neglectful parent?



All I know is that right now I just want to go home and rub her little tummy.




I've been at work since 8am today. It's now 8:49 pm. The show is over at 10:35. I hope to be home by midnight, but I doubt if that will actually happen.



Today my friend called me and asked if I'd seen the new Weezer video, and I hadn't, so I of course youtubed it immediately. If you haven't seen it, I suggest you go check it out. It made me laugh a lot. Also, being on the phone with my friend made me laugh a lot. I don't get to hear his voice as much as I would like. I'm also pretty terrible at keeping in touch with people, so it's mostly my fault I'm sure. That's the case with a few of my friends, and It makes me feel like a bad friend.



Am I a bad friend AND a neglectful mother?



I know I'm neither of those things. At least I hope so... Maybe I'm just trying to convince myself.

I have sinned

Ok, well maybe my lack of blog updates isn't one of the seven deadly sins, but I definitely have not been writing like I should have.

When i find something new that I'm interested in, I always dive in head first without thinking. It's how I have always been. Just no holds barred, balls to the wall, jump right in. The aftermath involves me over analyzing every decision, every move I've made, every thought I've had. and I hate it. For once I want to not worry about the outcome... and now I'm digressing. Back to diving in head first-

I absorb myself so much into this new thing, that I drastically reduce the time I have for other interests. I am terrible at calling people back. I almost forgot my mother's birthday. I don't see my friends like I should. I really need to work on getting better at balancing my time.


a side note- we finally got Internet at the house, but I am still sans computer, so unless I update via my sidekick, these posts will probably be few and far between.



second side note- I find it hilarious that when I post in this blog, I write as though I assume people will read it. Or maybe I'm just writing to myself. Like writing a letter and mailing it to myself to read at a later date.


I really love my new apartment. I saw Adam last night for the first time in 6 months. I showed him the house. He didn't say much, but I can assume his lack of excitement wasn't because of the apartment itself, but just the awkwardness between us. I'll talk more about him later...

I love having a house. I love having a driveway, and a front porch. I love that I have to take out the garbage and mow the lawn. I want to plant a garden. I figure, seeds can't be too expensive, and our water is free, so the only REAL cost is just the labor involved. The thought of only having to go outside to pick a green pepper excites me. I don't know anything about plants, and I don't know if it's even the right time of year to plant them, but I guess I can figure that out by trial and error.



I would write more, but I'm at work, and the show ended, and now I get to go pick up the stage towels - one of my favorite parts of the night, second only to picking up the shower towels at the end of the night.

I'll write more soon.

xo
Jess

Breathe in. Exhale.

If ever you're stressed out, put on "Dry the Rain", by the Beta Band.

Just now, as I was about to pull out my hair, I put this song on. (anyone who's ever seen High Fidelity, you might remember when John Cusack puts this song on, the effect it has on the patrons of the record store)

Anyhow, for this 6 minutes and 5 seconds, I will take a deep breath, relax, and write about what I wanted to write about instead of venting about nonsensical bullshit that has no relevance to you, or me, or even life in general. I need to relax. I need this to be my mantra for the summer. I don't want to end up like my mom, stressed out all the time. I want to be calm, happy, and worry-free.

*deep breath*


I am moving into my new apartment on wednesday. I've had a lot of offers for help, which is awesome. I am only one small person, and I can only carry so much. Plus I don't think my bed will fit in my little 4 door Saturn. I'm moving in with Nichole, and I think it will go well. I have had a problem with my past few roomates, and I can't help but start to think maybe the problem is me. Maybe I'm too picky, but I don't know, so I won't dwell on it.

I got a new job at this bar/restaurant in Tremont, called Southside. I got the job last night. I start today. Wish me luck.

"If there's something inside that you want to say, say it out loud, it will be ok..."

man, this song is good. And it's also over.

it's funny, when I write I can only listen to certain music. It has to be music that my brain processes and likes, but doesn't focus on. Otherwise I lose my train of thought. I'm not very good at multitasking.

There are other things I want to write about, but I think if i write about it too soon, I'll jinx myself, so I'll save it for another day. Besides, I have a dog that needs to go for a walk, laundry that needs done, a bank that needs visited, dog food that needs to be purchased, packing, and then work.


xo
Jess

Instead of accidents, you'll never know.

Last night I was driving home, and a giant raccoon ran out in front of my car. It was dark, and it came out of nowhere and I didn't have time to stop, and I hit it. It was the grossest noise ever, and as soon as it happened I just stopped. I wanted to go back but I knew not to. There was nothing I could do and I knew it wouldn't be anything I'd want to see anyhow, so I just stopped. And I broke down. I've never killed anything before. I think maybe I've caught some fish when I was little, but this was different. This was me directly responsible for the death of an animal that would have otherwise just ran over to the other side of the road. I haven't cried that hard for that long about anything in a really long time- Not since I found out my friend had cancer. So I called Nichole, because I knew she'd be awake, and I cried and cried. And she told me it was ok. And she told me maybe the raccoon was TRYING to get run over. I tried to laugh. And she told me it was ok, but it was not ok yet. I drove the rest of the way home in a daze. I am still upset. I thought,

Jess. It's just a raccoon

but it's not JUST a raccoon. It doesn't matter whether it was a raccoon, or a cat, or a chipmunk.

I killed it. Me and my car.

Stupid cars.

Stupid work.

If I wouldn't have been so selfish and stopped for a beer after work, things would have been different.


I would have been driving home 30 minutes earlier. That raccoon would have had a chance. All these things run through my head. I feel guilty.

I am guilty



Jess, it's JUST a raccoon.

I know it was just an accident. I'll just tell myself that until I believe it.




I know I might be overreacting, and I know this might sound silly, but this is something I'm genuinely upset about, and I felt the need to address it.

Love is all you need

Lately I've been feeling a little "down in the dumps" if you will. I'm not trying to throw a pity party for myself, I've just felt a little unwanted.

Let me tell you, that my new dog is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me. Her name is Lucy and she is incredible. I have someone who needs me, and depends on me. She likes when I'm around. It gives me something to love and focus my time on. The last two nights, I've come home, and completely forgot about my cell phone being in my purse. I wasn't sitting and checking it every 15 minutes to see if anyone called, because I was preoccupied with something more important. It's funny how soon you fall in love with an animal. I've only had her a couple days so far, and already I know I would do anything I had to for her.

On a side note, I read an adorable poem today that a friend of mine wrote, and it got me thinking... about all the poems, and lyrics out there. Millions of words about love, about despair, about hope, about lonliness... about a boy... about a girl. I wonder what it must be like to be the person all these amazing words were written about. Think about the most epic love song you know. Now imagine being the person that song was written about. It's very romantic, really.

Also - if any of you (that is, if anyone actually reads this thing) are a complete hopeless romantic like I am, please do yourself a favor and read Love in the Time of Cholera. I haven't seen the movie so I don't know how it compares, but the book is one of my favorites. It gives even the most hopeless of romantics some hope.

On that note, I have a chubby snoring machine to go cuddle with. goodnight.

just a note

if you have an iPhone, don't use it to try and pick up girls. You just look like an asshole.

a night to myself

The past 4 days.

Wake up. shower. drive. work. work. work. passes. guest list. coffee. work. work. work. set times. sound checks. feedback. blown EQ racks. salad. work. work. work. water. dinner. beer. show. wait. wait. wait. settlement. clean. drive. sleep. wake up. shower. drive. work. work. work.

I have forgotten what it is like to be busy. I miss it. I miss the hustle and bustle that is my job on a good day. The same drill on a day to day basis. Mostly pretending like I know what I'm talking about. It's what I have done for the past three and a half years, and I just now am realizing that maybe, just maybe, I actually know what the hell I'm doing. Sometimes at work I feel so small. I am the girl who is usually referred to as "sweetie" or "excuse me". I am the girl who is there before you, meticulously setting up the dressing room. All the beers in the fridge have the labels facing forward. Everything is strategically placed and easy to find. Even the most genius of musicians are not very smart.

"Excuse me?"

It is phrased like a question. I acknowledge.

"What is the code to the door?"

I am the girl with the answers.
4-5-6-7-8-9. He looks up as if he's searching his brain for a meaning to these numbers. Some theme. Or maybe he's just trying to remember. I watch his struggle. And this has all happened in the span of about 3 seconds. "Wait... 4-5-6...." he trails off.

"7-8-9. They're all in order."

and he will fail at entering the code the first, sometimes even the second time, laugh at himself, and eventually enter the code correctly. This happens on an almost daily basis.

I am the girl who brings your dinner, exactly as you ordered it, in a box, with your name written neatly on the top. It will be set out in the open where you can easily find it. It will be set in close proximity to the silverware. You will eat it and leave the box on the counter in close proximity to the trash can, but never in it.

I am the girl who brings you a stage towel. I am the girl who cleans them off the stage once you're done. I am the reason for your after show food. I will be there once you are off at the bar, or in the comfort of your bus, or hotel. I am the girl who throws away your dinner remnants. I am the girl who pours out the half full beers. I am the girl who cleans the entire dressing room just so that it can be destroyed again the next day.

I am unappreciated and underpaid. So why do I stay? Because deep down, somewhere inside me, I find some enjoyment in being a part of it all. I am a small part of the show 1200 people paid to see tonight. I have put 3 and a half years of literal blood, sweat, and tears into my venue. My venue. I was there when she was born. I was part of it. I made it happen. I have a family inside her walls. I am accepted, and liked. I am comfortable. I am home.



So now, it's tonight, on my night off, that I sit and think about work. I think about the things I have done in the past 3 and a half years. I joked around with Jim Belushi. I quoted Anchorman with the singer from Alice in Chains. I have drank until the sun came up with Flogging Molly. I had my picture taken with Mike Ness. I have made friends that will stay my friends until I die. I met my boyfriend. I lost the boyfriend. This job, this industry brings people together, and it tears them apart. So why do I stay?

Because this is where I belong. Because deep down, somewhere inside me, I find some enjoyment in being a part of it all.


Right now, however, I am 12 hours and 30 miles from being at work again, and I am going to listen to the new Death Cab for Cutie single. I am going to close my eyes, and I am going to let it take over. I have waited for the right time to listen to it for the first time, and that time is tonight. My head is clear. I am not sad, or angry, or annoyed, or eager, or anxious, or happy. I am just Jessica. Blank. A sponge. I can't remember anything that I've typed tonight. When I go back and re-read this, it will be new, and fresh. I am wide eyed and open minded. I feel refreshed and tired at the same time.


I would like to take a minute to thank Zach for directly, and Benji for indirectly telling me to listen to this new single. I will press play, and I will press "Publish Post", and I will write again soon.

When the big hand strikes 12, I disappear

Today work was long. and I ran around. a lot.

I really can't complain though, because with my new puppy arriving in a week, I should be working now as much as possible. Ya know, so I have money to feed her.

I talked to my friend John today for a whole, oh I'd say 4 minutes or so. I have a few friends that live in other states whom I lose touch with every so often, but luckily, months can go by and we just pick right back up where we left off. John is not the friend that I ever "lose touch with". What happens is that John gets a girlfriend and then isn't "allowed" to talk to me, which I think is absolutely ludicrous. First of all, because I can't see any reason why any girl anywhere should tell her boyfriend who he can and cannot be friends with, UNLESS he is a total skeeze, and untrustworthy... in which case, why would you be dating him in the first place? Second of all, I'm honestly a little hurt that our friendship has to suffer. If I ever dated a guy who got all pissy when I talked to John on the phone, I would kick him right to the curb. My friends were here before you were, and they'll be here after you're gone. The fact that he is a guy and I am a girl doesn't mean we're going to sleep together. So LIGHTEN UP SHANNON! I WANT MY FRIEND BACK!

In all honesty, I would like to think "well if John is dating her, she HAS to be pretty awesome" but unfortunately, John has terrible taste in women and always picks the ones that treat him like shit.



ANYHOW


Today's warm weather put me in a good mood. Nichole and I went to look at an apartment before I went to work today. It wasn't perfect, but I think it might work. I think, at this point, we just want to find a place that is nice enough to live in for a year. It's really hard for me, because my previous apartments have all been so nice, that now I feel like I'm downgrading. I HATE looking for apartments, but I also don't want to settle, but I think, what if this is the best apartment we come across? What if we don't find anything better? Normally I wouldn't be in such a hurry to move out, but I'm picking up Lucy in a week, and my mom's house is not big. We already have a chocolate lab, and my cat (who stays in my room 90% of the time). In addition, my mom is getting a new puppy SOON. That's a lot of animals in a house that barely has enough room for the 4 people who live in it.

It's all just added stress that I don't want right now. My life honestly isn't all that stressful. I think I just make it that way.


Since I haven't written in a few days, I'll give a quick update of my weekend.

Friday I had dinner with Lo at Brandon's. He cooked for us and it was delicious. After dinner and drinks, we went to the Foundation Room at HOB to see Brooke DJ, and had some more drinks. and shots. Then Lo, Elise, Brandon and I met Nichole up at the Spitfire, and I had more drinks. and shots.

Saturday I did a lot of throwing up. I don't think my body was too happy with the way I treated it the night before. I barely made it to work, and I definitely threw up in the bathroom at HOB, but luckily after that I started to feel better and I managed to keep some Gatorade down. I got out of work late, and went home and passed out, exhausted.

Today I woke up, showered, looked at the apartment, and went to work. Collective Soul. I had been dreading working the show, but when I got to work I discovered my friend Dave from HOB in Anaheim (and also my friend John's "roommate... which leads to why I was cranky about John.. we talked about him a lot today) was working for the band. A pleasant surprise, and it's always nice to see a familiar face. It makes an otherwise mediocre day just a little better.

And that brings me to the present. I am tired, and I know I should be in bed already, but I keep telling myself I have plenty of time to sleep in tomorrow because I don't have to be at work until 4. Not to mention, at this hour, my brain for some reason refuses to turn off, so even if i did go to bed, I'd probably just lay there for an hour anyhow. I miss having someone to sleep next to. Falling asleep is just much easier when you have someone to cuddle with. It's been a long time since I got to cuddle. Hopefully my dog can suffice... at least for a while.

On that note, I'm going to go pet my cat, and listen to some Cat Power and try to fall asleep. Hopefully I have some good dreams tonight.


xoxo

I know the world's a broken bone

Sometimes I have these thoughts swimming around inside my head. They are thoughts that have been there; stirring- festering. I've had a live journal since I was fresh out of high school, and now I have this new blog, specifically to empty my head at the end of the day, but I find I'm exercising a great deal of self restraint when it comes to openly writing about my feelings. I've never been one to care about what people think of me, so why am I so cautious about this blog? I suppose it's probably normal to have feelings that I don't want to share with everyone, so maybe I'll have to dust off the old journal to really let it all out.

Wait, I'm contradicting myself.

Didn't I say that I was starting this blog for ME? So I could get everything off my chest? A place to come to relieve some stress...

I'm over analyzing. Who cares? But it's at these early hours of the morning when my brain is best at over analyzing. It's my tragic flaw. I read way too much into everything. So for now, I will try to ignore the fact that someone else might read this and truly vent about the things I think about at 2:41 in the morning.



Today I had an interesting discussion with a friend about religion, and it left me curious as to where I REALLY stand and what I agree and disagree with. I sometimes like rethinking topics I had previously taken a stand on. I'm finding my mid-twenties are a time of rediscovery, and I feel as though I am only now learning who I truly am.


Tonight I gave relationship advice to someone who I found it hard to give relationship advice to. I, however, put myself aside, and gave all the advice I could give. The recipient of the advice was a friend who is very near and dear to me, and upon whom I wish all the happiness in the world. I tried to put myself in my friends shoes, and also in the other person's shoes to come to the best conclusion. I felt good about it in the end, and I can only hope I was some help. I should probably specify that the advice was only difficult to give because my first reaction was obviously in favor of my friend's happiness. I've also found myself in a somewhat similar situation before, so that was helpful. I've always thought that honesty is the best policy, but when you know the truth is going to hurt someone, it's so much harder to say. I think everything comes out better in the end when people can try to put feelings on hold to hear honesty.


While I'm on the subject of honesty, I can't help but wonder what it is about the truth that makes it equally as hard to hear as it is to tell. I can't say this is always the case, but it seems to apply more often than not. When you want the truth, no one wants to be the one to tell you. And in the same aspect, when you don't want to know the truth, it seems to be in your face in black and white. When does our brain make the decision to accept or ignore the truth? People can stare truth in the face and still deny it. It's baffling to me.


Equally as frustrating is when you find out the truth, and you don't want to accept it, but you know you have to.... and you can't change it.

I found out a couple days ago that an ex boyfriend of mine that I am still close to is moving to Virginia. I know some people say it's hard to be friends with an ex, but I disagree. If two people can be adults about the situation and realize you can love a person while still understanding the two of you together just isn't going to work, then voila! A friendship is born.

So said ex/friend is moving to Virginia. Then I found out tonight that he's moving tomorrow. When I first read the text he sent me, I was a mix of emotions. Shock, first, but then shock gave way to sadness, and then anger. Sad, knowing I couldn't say a proper goodbye, and anger when I thought about how he was going to leave without telling me, had i not asked him when he was planning on leaving. I wanted to yell at him- tell him he was selfish, but I know he has his reasons for keeping this decision to himself for right now, and I have to respect that. I know I'll see him again, most likely in a few short months. I think the shock of it all was what hit me.


what a day, what a day....



<3

Good Morning, Lethargy

If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?

my mom asked me that alot when I was young.

I guess you could say that I started a blog "because everyone else was doing it". Or you could say that I got tired of livejournal- that I needed a change of scenery for my ramblings.

You can choose the reason you like best.

There is a lyric in a Days Away song that goes, "as far as I can see, the whole world is sleeping. but not me. I am lying here in a million pieces." That's how I feel lately. Like I am broken in different pieces that all want different things. I feel like every piece resides in a different part of the world. Cleveland, California, Pittsburgh, Virginia, Paris. All the places where there are people I care about. People I want to see more. People I should talk to on a daily basis, but I don't.


--I should take a second to point something out, seeing as how this is my first blog. At no point will this blog be gramatically correct. There will be errors. There will be misspelling. There will be run ons and fragments. There will be times where my vocabulary isn't extensive enough to describe exactly what I'm trying to get across, but this isn't a term paper. This isn't for a grade. These are my thoughts, and I try as much as I can to let them just flow from my head to the keyboard without stopping to think, because I tend to write better that way. That being said, I will continue.

I think about people all the time. Everything reminds me of someone. Songs, Lyrics, Melodies, Smells, Food, Drink, Words. It all takes me back to a different place, with different people. It's bittersweet, having such happy memories, but having to miss people so much. One of my friends said that his whole life is goodbyes. That is how I feel. People coming and going, in and out of my life. Always a new goodbye. Even at work... a tour comes through, and you make a friend for a day, and then at the end of the night, you say goodbye to these people. You genuinely care about them. You (most of the time) really DO want them to have a safe tour. You say "see ya next time", because you hope there will be a next time. That doesn't even begin to describe what it's like to have real friends (or boyfriends) touring all the time. You see them when you can. You take days off work, you drive 3, 4, 10 hours. All so you can have a few hours with people you love. I realized the other night as I left from a day filled with laughs, inside jokes, drinks, and intense games of bowling, how honestly terrible it is to leave behind people you care about.... and this happens for me usually once a month or so.

I guess I could blame myself for making friends with people who are constantly on the go, but I won't go there. I just feel like the world is flying by all around me, while I sit in my little midwest house. Like a scene from a movie where I am in real time and everything around me is sped up. I am in constant fear that I'm missing out on something. I don't remember dates. I have no concept of time. I'm hoping to keep up on this "blog" if for no other reason than just to keep a log of the things I do and the people I see.

I can't say it will be coherent. One thought might lead to another and my original story might get lost along the way. I think more than anything, I just need this for myself. So that at the end of the night I can get everything off my chest without making one of my friends sit and listen to my nonsensical babbling for an hour. I probably won't write everyday. I'll just write when I have something to say.

So this is it. This is my beginning. I don't care who reads this. I don't care if no one reads this. But it's here.

here it is.

right here.


Lately I've been trying to experience some new music. I get bored with the same old, same old. Of course, I have my favorites that I could never get tired of, but sometimes I just need a change. It's not just music, though. I want to watch new movies. I want to read new books. Sometimes I just feel so sheltered. I'm not well read. Of course I've read "trainspotting" and "geek love" and "fear and loathing in las vegas" and "naked lunch" and every other book that every other hipster kid swears by. I read them because someone told me to. Some of them were great, and some of them were a waste of time and brain power. I need a book to excite me. I need movies and music to excite me. The things people recommend are always things I've already read or heard or seen. I need something NEW. Something to keep me excited, because when I'm excited is when I'm at my best. My brain fuctions the way it should, and I can shake the lethargy.

The approach of warm weather of course helps with all that too. The residents of Ohio are all in the same boat... S.S. Cabin Fever. People out on motorcycles when it's 45 degrees, just celebrating that for the first time in months, there's no snow on the ground. Yesterday it was 48 degrees, and my friends and I braved the cold and had a barbeque. It was a success, until it started raining, but everyone enjoyed the grilling and the side dishes all the same. (I brought pasta salad) I suppose the plethora of beer in the fridge didn't hurt either.

Today Nichole and I drove around Lakewood and looked for apartments. We found 26. TWENTY SIX houses to call on. And I called on 20 of them. It didn't go as well as I had planned, but it could have been worse. As I went down the list of phone numbers under their corresponding addresses, there was a pattern in my scribbled notes. "left a message", "left a message", "no pets allowed", "left a message"... along with the occasional "will meet on wednesday". So wednesday we're going to look at a few that we narrowed down that fit our search criteria. 2 bedrooms, pets - ok, within our price range, preferably downstairs. I hope wednesday goes well, because I loathe apartment shopping. Not all of apartment shopping, just the part where I get discouraged if I don't find a place right away. I told myself I would stay positive.... I'll at least try.


I've been wanting to watch Into The Wild for some time now, and it's finally available on my "on demand". If i don't write again for a while it's because I've packed a bag, sold my belongings and hitchhiked to Alaska.


...or perhaps somewhere a little warmer.


and with a beach.





I'm adding this on as a "post script", because it's late, my mind is wandering, and no one is online.

I feel uneducated. Not in terms of my level of education, but in terms of my knowledge of current events. I stopped paying attention to the news a long time ago because it was depressing. I stopped paying attention to politics because they were "corrupt", and now I realize that I'm just being ignorant by trying to avoid these topics. So now, armed with my new willingness to learn more about the world around me and to open my eyes, I am presented with a new challenge. Where do I start?

I feel overwhelmed.



xo